We're Not Perfect

Guest Post by Mayim Bialik, Ph.D., CHEC, Actress, Celebrity Spokesmama and Member of Holistic Moms

I don't think I have ever been more flattered to be grouped with another celebrity as in your blog; Mayim Bialik and Gisele in the same sentence!? Wow.

I respect Gisele tremendously for her courageous statements about global health and breastfeeding (the evolutionary and natural way to feed and nourish human babies). However, I don't think I should be grouped with her. First of all, she is much wealthier than I am, I promise, so she may get help with her "perfect" parenting that I do not have the luxury of: nannies, babysitters, housekeepers: you get my point. Second, she is much more famous than I am, but I think my publicist will dig us being associated thus. And third, I am certain she never has days where she looks as crappy as I do, she's just too darn pretty!

Humor aside, the fact that I believe in every woman's right to an empowering natural birth, encourage and practice extended nursing on demand with no social life in sight for the next few years, choose to make baby shampoo and granola and live a holistic lifestyle, and serve as my children's primary caregiver does not make me an example of someone wanting to be "perfect." It just makes me me. Just ask the thousands and thousands of not famous parents who do these same things to save money, eliminate toxins from their children's bodies and environments, and most of all feel empowered that they know best what their children need; not doctors, books and magazines that sell trends, products, and the lifestyle of being a "cool" mom. (By the way, when did it stop being cool to just be a mom - and why do we need all these gadgets and name brands to make us cool? That's a whole other story, I suppose; I digress...).

I am the spokesperson for the Holistic Moms Network, a brave and wonderful fellowship of parents who do not seek perfection, but rather do the best that we can do for our children based on our own personal standards, morals, intuition and scientifically-supported beliefs. After being told by conventional doctors, media, and well-meaning friends and family what was "right" for my baby, I was thrilled to find an organization that supports my needs and my lifestyle without the elitism that I often find in advertiser-driven "children's" magazines which try to sell us hundreds of products we are told we need to be "hip" and current. I don't have the kind of money to live the life I see in those magazines, and I choose a simple life not because it's perfect or makes me perfect, but because it works for me and my family. Period.

I am far from perfect and I am the first one to say it. I lose my temper sometimes, I am very hard on myself, I have unrealistic expectations of my kids and my husband and myself and my bathrooms are never as clean as they should be. Dishes are almost always in the sink, clothes are all over the floor, and I don't get close to enough "me" time to satisfy any therapist's designation of nurturing myself. I don't know anyone living a perfect life, but I know many people living honest and thoughtful lives. This is not the life of wealthy celebrities. I have many non-wealthy non-celebrity friends who, like me, make their own cleaning products, shun popular medical advice, and choose to go without a lot of things in the name of pursuing the life they desire. People make trade-offs every day: do I buy the fancy dress for myself or save the money for a few dinners out with the kids? Do I buy a car I love or a car that will serve my family's needs best? Do I save up money for vacation in the Bahamas or a camping trip in the mountains leaving money leftover for a few months of groceries?

I am not trying to be perfect. I am a skeptical mom on a budget whose life is not very busy with social appointments, free time, or the use of a nanny or babysitter by choice. I dislike prestige, name brands, and being overcharged for products that I can make myself in no time. Do I always buy organic? No. Am I trying to be a martyr by not sleeping for more than 3 hours for the past 5 years because I don't believe in night weaning my kids? No. Do I think I am better than you for my choices? No. Everyone does what works for them. But please do not confuse parents who shun popular culture, popular media, and popular trends with parents who want to show everyone up. In addition, it is kind of bad form to condemn "celebrities" for being honest and public about our choices simply because they are not what's considered culturally convenient or acceptable; I talk to women every day who say that they had never heard of a celebrity supporting homebirth, naturopathy, or nursing a 2 1/2 year old, and I am thrilled if I can represent the wonderful variety of parenting that our free country allows. You don't have to agree with me, but don't be snarky and accuse me of being self-righteous when I am really just trying to raise my kids to the best of my ability, cameras on me or not.

For point of reference, making your own shampoo costs about a third of what you buy in the store and it takes 3 minutes to mix. My granola is made from oats, nuts, vanilla, brown sugar and maple syrup. I am happy to share the recipes with anyone interested (see below).

The next time you see a picture of me or Gisele on the red carpet, picture me instead on my hands and knees scrubbing my crummy bathtub with only a cracked open box of generic brand baking soda as my cleaning product, clutching an old rag, shouting to my kids, "Be right there! Stop tormenting your brother, Miles! Fred, come to Mama but not too close, the bathroom stinks!" As for Gisele, you can picture her the same exact way if you want to, but picture her looking 1,000 times less "normal" than I do. And let's all try and be happy for her about that.

Recipes From Mayim (Thanks for Asking!):

Shampoo
Put 1 cup water in a spray bottle.
Add: 3/4 cup any liquid castile soap (like plain Dr. Bronner's castile soap)
Add: 2 tsp any carrier oil (almond, jojoba, olive)
Add: 10 drops of any essential oil you want: (I like lavender and tea tree oil, but try orange or whatever you want)

Mix and enjoy! This is CONCENTRATED so one or two sprays is plenty for short baby hair. For shoulder length, I use 4-5 sprays. This is NOT a "no-tears" recipe so watch little eyes.

Granola
Combine all of this is a bowl and mix it up:
3 cups uncooked oats
1 1/2 cups of any combination of chopped nuts (we like cashews, almonds, and walnuts)
1 tbsp vanilla
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon (or more or less to taste)
1/2 tsp salt
1/3 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup maple syrup (or agave if you prefer that)

I like to go crazy (!) and add 1/2 cup ground flax seeds and 1/2 cup wheat germ, but you can really improvise any way that works for you!)

Bake on a lightly oiled baking sheet at 325 for 35-45 min. stir halfway through to avoid burning the edges, like I tend to (that's maybe just because I have a crummy, old, terrible oven!).

Cool and put in a container mixed with raisins or dried fruit, or nothing. Enjoy!!!

Note: For more healthy recipes, including for personal care products, check out HMN's two cookbooks, Growing Healthy Families and Many Paths, One Journey to Health.