Green Back to School: #HolisticMoms Twitter Party

We had a busy and informative #HolisticMoms Twitter Party last night with special guest Green Child Magazine @GreenChldMg on Greening Back to School. So many great links for information and resources got passed around that it was impossible to catalog all of them and chat at the same time. So we’re sharing our list of all the articles that were posted during the party. Get a cup of tea and maybe a square (or two) of chocolate and do some reading! Not the same old back-to-school information, we have ideas on how to form a walk to school bus, how to clean up the air quality at your child’s school, fundraisers that you can actually get excited about and a whole lot more!

Enjoy the links and join us each week at #HolisticMoms on Twitter, Tuesdays 10 pm ET for fun, information-packed parties about holistic living!

Green Child Magazine’s Green Back to School Issue

http://www.greenchildmagazine.com/back-to-school-2012-issue/

Eco-Friendly School Fundraising

http://www.greenchildmagazine.com/eco-friendly-fundraising/

Helping Kids to Make Friends

http://www.greenchildmagazine.com/help-your-child-make-friends/

Getting Into School Routines

http://www.greenchildmagazine.com/meal-planning-101/

Holistic Tips for Back to School

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stephen-cowan-md/back-to-school_b_1834931.html

School Supplies Pose Toxic Threats

http://www.emagazine.com/daily-news-archive/school-supplies-pose-toxic-threat-to-students

Quelling Back to School Anxiety

http://www.themotherco.com/2012/08/quelling-anxiety/

Seeds of the Month for School

http://www.averagepersongardening.com/schoolapplication/

Bringing Green Values Back to School

http://mindfulmomma.typepad.com/mindful_momma/2012/08/how-to-bring-green-healthy-values-back-to-school.html

Non-Toxic School Supplies

http://www.non-toxickids.net/2012/08/back-to-school-with-naked-binders-no.html

Safe Lunch Gear

http://safemama.com/cheatsheets/safer-lunch-gear/

Cleaning Up School Air Pollution

http://www.momscleanairforce.org/2012/08/28/soot-x-ing/

http://www.momscleanairforce.org/2011/08/24/5-ways-to-clean-up-the-air-at-school/

http://www.momscleanairforce.org/2011/09/01/clean-air-act-protects-your-school-children/

National Walk to School Day

http://www.almostallthetruth.com/parenting/green-your-way-to-school-on-national-walk-to-school-day/

Homemade Hand Sanitizer

http://healthfulmama.com/2012/08/homemade-hand-sanitizer/

Toxins in School Supplies

http://mommygreenest.com/index.php?/site/scary_stuff_in_school_supplies

http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Toxic-Chemicals-Found-in-Childrens-School-Supplies-Charles-Schumer-Report-167489625.html

Encouraging Kindness in Kids

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/4_ways_to_encourage_kindness_in_students?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheGreaterGoodBlog+Greater+Good#When:22:42:00Z

Eco Back to School Picks

http://healthyhomemagazine.com/20110728back-to-school-picks/

Tips for Starting School

http://www.todaysparent.com/activities/grade-1-five-things-i-wish-i-knew-before-my-kids-started

The Brand Behind the Brand

Natural products advocates and consumers are up in arms this week as they discover that many of their favorite brands are spending money to defeat Proposition 37 in the State of California. Prop 37 is a ballot initiative that would require labeling of products that contain genetically modified organisms (GMOs). Calls for boycotts and protests are on the rise against many popular natural brands. But the issue is not so simple, as Marc Gunther points out on GreenBiz.com. The problem lies in the fact that these popular natural product companies, such as Naked Juice, Honest Tea, and Cascadian Farms are owned by food giants (Pepsico, Coca-Cola, and General Mills, respectively) who are fighting hard to block Prop 37. Collectively, these agricultural behemoths have spent more than $20 million to date to defeat the initiative.

This does not mean that the natural brands are on board with their parent companies. Many of these brands, from Cascadian Farms to Larabar, are speaking out to defend their commitment to organic, non-GMO products. But the power of "Big Food" makes the small voices of these operating divisions far less compelling. The take-away from all of this, as Gunther points out, is that "consumers who purchase natural and organic food should be aware that they are supporting big food companies that want to deny them the right to know about GMOs in their food."

Many independent, mission-driven natural products brands are quickly gobbled up by massive corporate giants who want a piece of the green market, but who lack the commitment or passion for true sustainability. Whether in the food world or the personal care industry (i.e. Burt's Bees is owned by Clorox, Tom's of Maine by Colgate-Palmolive), preserving small business is essential for consumers who have a passion for safe, non-toxic, and organic products.

The beauty of technology is that more and more of this information is coming to light via the internet. Social media has driven a remarkable information age for consumers and is making corporate transparency even more essential. As the natural products industry is flooded with companies seeking to capitalize on consumer demand, consumers are starting to decipher a specific set of criteria for their buying habits. The "natural" label is no longer compelling enough. Consumers - and particularly Holistic Moms - want to know more than the quality of ingredients (i.e. certified organic, GMO-free), but the social and corporate responsibility of the brand behind the product. As consumers begin to shop with new standards and recognize that their dollars are feeding food giants even when buying from their "organic" divisions, this becomes a driving force for those with a passion for natural living. Prop 37 might be overrun by "Big Food" but consumers wield a new power that these brands are going to have to pay attention to, sooner or later.

No More Tears for J&J: Baby Steps are not Enough

Cosmetic industry giant, Johnson & Johnson, announced last week that they would take action to remove cancer-causing chemicals in its products by the end of 2015. The product reformulation will include reducing the quantity of carcinogen 1,4 dioxane in adult products; phasing out formaldehyde-releasers; limiting parabens to methyl-, ethyl- and propyl-; and phasing out the use of triclosan, Diethyl Phthalate (DEP), polycyclic musks, animal derived ingredients, tagates, rose crystal and diacetyl from fragrances from all products.

Many in the green community are applauding these efforts and calling on other major cosmetic brands to take the lead. “Today’s action by Johnson and Johnson is another example of a company responding to their customers and the public interest community,” said Nneka Leiba, senior analyst with Environmental Working Group. While these may indeed be positive baby steps, the holistic-minded parents we have spoken to are not crying any more tears for Johnson & Johnson. In fact, they're flat out disgusted. Looming questions about the brand's integrity, transparency, and trustworthiness remain. And even with these baby steps, parents are wondering why even small amounts of 1,4 dioxane will remain in the products and why parabens will continue to be used in the reformulations.

Trust in corporate America has indeed imploded. Scandal after scandal, combined with access to resources, information, and social media, have raised the level of distrust among consumers to new levels. Corporate financial strength and stability are no longer the fodder of consumer trust. According to the 2012 Edelman Trust Barometer, "engagement-oriented behaviors that are more societal in nature, such as treating employees well, putting consumers ahead of profits, and transparency, are vital to building future trust."

This is most powerfully evident in the natural products industry. Holistic Moms are not interested in brands who do not have a sincere commitment to health, wellness, and sustainability. Nor do they want to support brands pumping out "greener" versions of highly toxic products for our families. Instead, they want integrity and transparency to a degree many brands are not willing to provide.

Fortunately for Holistic Moms, there are companies and products who will meet their standards. Among them are our select Sponsors, including Earth Mama Angel Baby whose Angel Baby Shampoo was recently ranked "Best for Baby" by ecosalon. Not only are the ingredients natural and non-toxic, but the brand itself is dedicated to using "the highest-quality, certified-organic or organically grown herbs and oils for our teas, bath herbs, gentle handmade soaps, salves, lotions

and massage oils. Our products are 100% free of toxins, cruelty-free, gluten-free, vegan, and free from all artificial preservatives, fragrances and dyes."

When industry giants face this tidal shift, it will indeed be overwhelming. But those companies who have built their foundation on a truly natural, organic platform and positioned to gain trust in a way that much of traditional corporate American can no longer attain.

Too Tired to Be Green

There are days when you’re just too tired. Too tired to walk out to the compost pile. Too tired to wash the cloth diapers that are piling up. Too tired to pull the weeds from your organic garden. Too tired to be green.

Why? Because you’re a parent. Parenting is some seriously exhausting work. And there are days where whipping up a healthy, sustainable meal seems unachievable. When you forgo the farmer’s market for convenience food. When you just want to have it easy.

Does that preclude you from making positive change? Of course not! We are all entitled to our lapses and reality checks. Being a parent provides more than enough challenges. For holistic-minded parents, it can be a double-edge sword. The health and well-being of our families is exactly the incentive and motivation we need to live greener and more sustainably. But the sheer volume of energy that parenting demands leaves us with fewer and fewer resources to achieve our goals. What’s a tired holistic-minded mom or dad to do?

First, take baby steps. Whatever changes you are trying to make to live healthier or greener, take them one step at a time. The more radical the change, the slower you may have to go. When you are juggling too many new tasks or habit it’s like a house of cards – just one more and then entire effort can come falling down. Commit to one change until it feels routine and then take the next step.

Be prepared. Stock your home with things that will make green living easier, even when life seems overwhelming. Match up a few batches of non-toxic cleaners and stock them in your cabinet for little spills and big messes. Keep organic versions of convenience foods on hand for those times when things get crazy. Or better yet, cook extra whenever you have the time and freeze or store accordingly, for future use.

Lose the guilt. Feel guilty about not living up to our own ideals is not only self-defeating but often creates a downward spiral. Once you feel bad, you simply start throwing in the towel (and paper towels at that!). Acknowledge that you are always doing the best you can in the moment with the resources that you have. When calm returns, think about what you can pre-plan or prep to keep you on track for achieving your goals, even when stress or unexpected events come your way.

Fill your own cup. When you have down time, sleep, eat well, or make time for exercise, it’s easier to handle all of life’s challenges. And it’s easier to take on the prospect of making positive changes. Connect with friends or a local support network to help stay on track and to address your own needs. Social connection can make a world of difference!

Lightning Strikes vs. Natural Health Products

Curious about natural health? Intrigued by herbal and nutritional supplements? Or perhaps you have already embraced natural living. You take vitamins, food supplements, even herbal remedies. But your conventionally-minded friends and family gasp "Is it safe?"

It's fascinating what we perceive as safe and trustworthy and what we don't. In American culture, lab-manufactured products, particularly by doctors and scientists, seem to garner far more trust that those created by Mother Nature. Interestingly, there is in fact a much greater risk of death associated with the use of pharmaceutical drugs than there is in using natural food supplements. Although the WHO "estimates that about 60% of the world’s people uses herbal medicine for treating their sicknesses," those in Western culture still tend to perceive natural supplements as risky.

A new study released by the Alliance for Natural Health gathered data on potential risk assessments of death from a wide range of causes, from lightning strikes and motorcycle accidents, to smoking and asbestos exposure for individuals in the UK. The data should put the fears of your friends and family members to rest. For example, UK individuals were "797,940 times more likely to die from smoking than from taking a food supplement." Winding up in a UK hospital posed a similar death risk as a tour of active military service in Iraq or Afghanistan. Individuals were 36,625 more likely to die from preventable medical injuries than from taking an herbal medicine. Overall, residents of the UK were "about as likely to be hit by lightning" as they were to "die from taking herbal remedies or dietary supplements."

Interesting as well is a 2008 report that shows that just 35% of those surveyed on behalf of the UK Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) had ever used herbal remedies, with the largest participating group being women. Although 6 in 10 respondents felt that herbal remedies were safe, only 40% believed that they were safe because they were "natural".

Perhaps the new risk assessment report will help alleviate some of the safety concerns for holistic remedies and empower more people - and particularly women, who spend 2/3 of healthcare dollars - to embrace alternative remedies. Researchers are working on expanding their data results across the European Union to assess individual risk further. In the meantime, it's safe to say that herbal and food supplements pose minimal risk for most of us.

Breastfeeding in the US

This week we are celebrating World Breastfeeding Week at the Holistic Moms Network. We kicked off the week with an amazing Breastfeeding Twitter Party to show support to the tune of 20 million impressions! There are indeed reasons to be optimistic about breastfeeding in America. And yet, some of the current statistics are more than a little disappointing - and challenge us to come together to build new solutions.

According to the CDC's Breastfeeding Report Card for 2011, 74.6% of babies are ever breastfed here in the United States. By 6 months of age, the percentage breastfed drops to 44.3%, by one year it's just 23.8%. Although the World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding up to 6 months of age, just 14.8% of American babies reach that goal. States with the lowest percentage of babies ever breastfed include Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi, South Carolina, and West Virginia. Those with the highest percentages of ever breastfed babies are California, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington, each with percentages over 85%.

What other factors seem to correlate with these "ever breastfed" rates? The CDC report does not offer as clear an answer as we might hope. Among the top four states for ever breastfeeding, the percent of live births occurring at Baby Friendly Facilities ranges from a low of 3.22% (VT) to a high of 14.49% (CA). The number of IBCLCs per 1,000 live births also varies from 11.13 (VT) to 2.73 (CA). California, however, has an outstanding number of FTE's (Full-Time Equivalents) or "professionals dedicated to the protection, promotion, and support of breastfeeding." In each of the top four states, the percentage of breastfed infants receiving formula before 2 days of age remains below 25%, with Vermont at the lowest level with just 8.5% receiving formula. Sadly, the percentage of live births occurring at Baby Friendly Facilities is 0 (yes, zero) for 20 states, according to the CDC: AL, AZ, AR, DE, DC, GA, IA, KS, LA, MD, MI, MS, NV, NJ, NM, ND, OK, SC, SD, and WV.

Of course, the CDC report does not tell the whole picture. Cultural and social obstacles to breastfeeding, workplace policies and legislation, and statistics among home-birthing parents are not addressed in these figures. What the CDC report does show, however, is that an effective strategy for promoting breastfeeding must tackle issues on several fronts, including mother-to-mother support, health department and government policies and action, access to professional lactation consultants, exposure to breastmilk substitutes and more.

This week, it is important for all of us to engage our strategies, share our passions, and brainstorm together to help achieve our sharing objective of protecting, promoting, and supporting breastfeeding - for now and for the future. There are many fronts to address the challenges, but the rewards will last many lifetimes.

Breastfeeding and Social Change: Share Your Voice!

It has been an interesting year for breastfeeding advocates. There have been highs, such as the State of Massachusetts banning formula samples in hospitals, and lows, including the backlash from the now infamous Time Magazine extended-breastfeeding cover photo. Breastfeeding moms continue to be asked to cover up, go elsewhere, or consider weaning their “older” children. Women still lack many rights when it comes to nursing. But what we see in all of this is a wealth of conversation and a groundswell of connection among people striving to normalize breastfeeding.

What makes this groundswell possible? Community. Real community. Connecting – both in person and online – make people more able to affect social change. The act of gathering is in and of itself transformative and when we connect, face-to-face and virtually, our common ground is found and we can share ideas, create action plans, support each other, and literally create a cultural and social shift.

Virtual community has been radically transformed in the past decade by technology and through the evolution of such social media networks as Twitter. Globally, millions of people can share information and ideas instantaneously in powerful ways. As Malcolm Gladwell noted in The New Yorker, social media outlets such as Facebook and Twitter may well be “our greatest source of new ideas and information.” Raising awareness is undoubtedly the first step in evoking change. Social media and virtual networks enable us to engage in awareness-raising, the goals of which “is to build understanding in the wider community . . . to highlight your work and its importance, and to persuade others to become involved as concerned individuals, allies and activists themselves.” The downside to social networks, however, is the superficial level of engagement. People may flock to causes and networks online because the level of participation and the action required to do so is so minimal. “Social networks are effective at increasing participation—by lessening the level of motivation that participation requires,” argues Gladwell. Engaging in real life communities, such as the Holistic Moms Network, is what moves people beyond low-level participation into a higher level of social activism.

And yet it is the level of “weak-tie” engagement which lays the foundation for activism and thus is a necessary and vital tool for creating change. Low-level virtual connection makes in-real-life engagement more possible by exposing the channels, resources, and communities that exist to build stronger levels of interaction and foster action. By showing the power of our virtual community and “normalizing” the goals and importance of an issue, we can begin to affect social change.

On the cusp of World Breastfeeding Week we plan to do just that. On Tuesday, July 31^st, 2012 the Holistic Moms Network, along with our Sponsors Divine Mama Bars, Earth Mama Angel Baby, and Motherlove will host our second annual World’s Biggest Breastfeeding Twitter Party at 10 pm ET/ 7 pm PT, #HolisticMoms, #Breastfeeding. By gathering the supporters of breastfeeding, the parents, organizations, professionals, agencies, and activists into a virtual community event, we can help to normalize breastfeeding, raise awareness, and build weak-tie connections to pave the road for stronger activism and change. Simple participation is all that is needed to showcase the support and power for normalizing breastfeeding. But real action comes when we strengthen those weak-ties and connect with those who are also engaging, building a format for collective action.

Join us and be heard! And then take your knowledge and connections into a plan for action. Join us on Twitter and then dive into World Breastfeeding Week with the passion and commitment we need to make powerful change!

Diabetes and Phthalates

What is your daily beauty routine? Does it look like a tidal wave of chemicals? Probably not to you. But that may be exactly what it is.

The average woman uses as many as 515 chemicals on her body in her daily beauty and makeup routine. Yes, 515. From SLS (Sodium Lauryl Sulphate) in her shampoo to Propylene Glycol in her deodorant, the exposure is staggering. Many (if not most) of these chemicals have been implicated in a wide range of health concerns, from cancer to hormone disruption and infertility. Although the powers-that-be claim that these chemicals are safe in such small doses, what exactly does daily exposure over a lifespan add up to? That may just be the million dollar question.

Now a new study published in the journal Environmental Health Perspectives adds another concern to list. Researchers James-Todd et al. have discovered that women with even low levels of phthalates in their bodies have an increased risk of diabetes and insulin resistance. Those with the highest level of phthalates had nearly double the the odds of diabetes.

Phthalates are "plasticizers", according to the Environmental Working Group, and have long been know to disrupt the endocrine system. Phthalates help lotions feel smooth and silky, and give cosmetics such as mascara flexibility. They are commonly found in many cosmetics, including popular brands of nail polish, fragrances, and hair sprays, among others. Although some brands have begun to phase out phthalates in response to health concerns, many have continued to ignore the warnings. The Campaign for Safe Cosmetics report "A Little Prettier" tested a sample of these brands, with mixed results.

What you can do: read your labels! Understanding natural beauty products is essential for making healthy choices for you and for your family. Know the risks and use your power as a consumer to support brands and products that are safe and non-toxic.

Want to learn more? Join us at the 2012 Natural Living Conference on Saturday, October 13th in Chicago. Natural beauty expert Todra Payne will conduct a workshop on Understanding Beauty Labels to help guide you.

Little Changes Matter

Some days it's easy to be in this green/holistic space and feel nothing but overwhelm. Juggling work, kids, family life, and more means we don't always opt for the greenest, healthiest, or most sustainable choices. And the day itself can be filled with more choices than we like. A hectic morning start with a fussy child can mean we opt for convenience just to get out the door. And, if we are just starting our journey into living greener and healthier, those choices may seem foreign and harder to adapt to. It's easy to feel like we're not doing enough. And then to feel guilty.

What we need to do, no matter where we are on the journey, is to step back and appreciate the little successes we have each day. Even the small choices matter - for us and for our families. Maybe our workout went out the window when life got busy, but playing outdoors with the kids means we broke a sweat and got some exercise. Perhaps cold cereal helped us get everyone off to school or camp, but a green smoothie later on helped ramp up the nutrition for the day. How can you take baby steps to wellness each day that matter? Here are some simple things you can do - and celebrate - to assure your success:

An organic apple a day (in season, of course). Americans love apples. But according to the Wall Street Journal, 98% of apples in a recent test showed positive results for pesticide residue. Traces of 48 different pesticides were found in the sample, including 5 unapproved pesticides. Samples were taken after "washing" under cold water for 10 seconds, to mimic common household practices, and then tested for pesticides. The numbers are not pretty. What you can do: go organic. Feel good each day by swapping out your conventional apples with organic ones. Simple and satisfying. No guilt.

Use one reusable bag a day. We all know plastic is bad for the environment. But how much energy do you save by using just one reusable bag instead of a plastic one? It takes approximately 0.5 megajoules to create and dispose of just one plastic bag. Every two days, you can save one megajoule of energy. What does that mean? One megajoule is enough energy to power a 100 watt lightbulb for a little over 2 hours 45 minutes. One megajoule is approximately the amount of energy an adult man burns, on average, in 3-4 hours. That's quite a bit of energy for one bag. Not to mention what you are saving from the landfill.

Take a 10 minute walk. Sure, an hour of power pumping at the gym would be fabulous. But perhaps that doesn't fit into your schedule. Try a brisk 10 minute walk. Or a few. Just 10 minutes of brisk walking each day can burn off the calories in one small chocolate chip cookie, not to mention improve your fitness level and overall health. If you can take more than one 10 minute walk each day, even better. With a little one in a sling or stroller, you can go 10 minutes without too much fuss.

Buy local. Whether shopping in a supermarket or browsing your farmer's market, you can make a big difference each day by buying local. The average head of spinach or bunch of carrots travels 1,800 miles to get to your table. Because of food miles (the distance our food travels), "we currently consume 20 calories of fossil fuel energy to produce two calories of food energy." The closer to home, the better for us and for the planet.

Find something simple you can do each day on your natural living journey and lose the guilt. Holistic living is about making the best choices we can for healthy, sustainable living. Sometimes the big things aren't possible but even baby steps have an impact!

Cultivating Independence

"Mommy, I do it." These simple words can be the start of an exciting moment or the prelude to a power struggle or potential meltdown. From toddlers to adults, our kids want our support but also need to discover how to do things independently. One of the biggest challenges for a parent is knowing when to step back and let your child figure it out for herself. We want to step in, make it easier, and use opportunities as "teaching moments". But sometimes, we just need to stand down.

Cultivating independence is a learning experience for both parents and kids. From infancy on, we can find little steps that we can take to give our children room to grow and develop, while at the same time helping them to feel empowered and build a sense of self-confidence. How can we help our children become more independent? Here are some simple ideas to set them on their own paths:

Allow your child to experience frustration. Allow your child to fail. We tend to live in a praise-heavy culture where "good job" and awards have become meaningless. School coaches hand out medals just for showing up and gold stars pop up everywhere. Over-praising and working to "guarantee" success present their own challenges. Children need to try - and to fail. If we allow children the experience of frustration, we give them the opportunity to problem solve. We give them the chance to dig deeper, try harder. We also allow them to fail and to realize that failure doesn't define them, nor does it mean complete destruction. It is very difficult for us, as parents, to watch our children struggle and fail, but we need to remind ourselves of the power and sense of accomplishment your child will feel when the task has been conquered or achieved.

Give your child unscheduled time. Make room for free play. Do you hear "I'm bored" all too often? Are you kids used to a hectic schedule of school, sports, activities, and playdates? Free time gives children a chance to explore and to learn independent play. Kids who can choose how to spend their time will learn to venture into new territories, explore their imagination, and develop their creativity. Passive entertainment is not going to build their independence. Get them outside to explore the world, let them pick a book to get lost in, or provide them with creative outlets where they can put their independent thoughts into action.

Honor your children. Honoring our own parents is not about blindly accepting all of their choices or beliefs, but about treating them with respect. The same goes for our children. Honor their voices and opinions. Get on their level when you speak with them and take their thoughts and ideas to heart. Validate their feelings and allow them to express their emotions openly and to work through them, even when they are not pleasant. Children who are validated will build self-confidence and will learn to manage a wide range of emotions and moods throughout life, without seeking outside influences for confirmation.

Giving your children room to grow and develop a sense of personal independence is one of the greatest things we can give our children. Happy Independence Day indeed!

Don’t Use Your Words

A Guest Post by Sarah MacLaughlin, Holistic Moms Network member and author of the award-winning book, What Not to Say: Tools for Talking with Young Children.

"Use your words,” is an oft-repeated request in U.S. households and schools these days. Maybe it is a step up from yelling “Stop hitting your sister/friend,” but it’s probably not the most effective route if you want to teach conflict resolution skills and emotional literacy. More on that later. First, a little about how you, as the grown-up, can improve your communication skills with less words. A forty year-old study by Dr. Albert Mehrabian showed that much of communication is nonverbal. That’s certainly worth paying attention to!

So try not using your words. And don’t ask children to use them either. You first—here’s a few ideas for responding to children without any words at all.

Use your body. When you are working with young children, keep in mind how much smaller and shorter than you they are. My motto has always been: “Get low and stay low.” You can also use your physical self to stop problems before or as they are happening. Step between the children who are in conflict, crouch down and make eye contact with each one. Place your hand on a child’s shoulder to keep them from careening toward another. Cup your hand between the biter and the one about to receive.

Use body language and facial expression. Sometimes we overworked and stressed-out grown-ups don’t keep tabs on our facial and body language. Thinking about our own problems can leave us with arms crossed and a grimace on our face—and we don’t even know it! Stay mindful of what your expression might look like. Children often interpret a furrowed brow or blank face as an angry one. Keeping your body relaxed and a smile on your face may be the easiest invitation for cooperation you’ve got! You can also send a quick message by shrugging shoulders or putting up your hand in a “stop” gesture.

Use touch. In our litigious society, we have become very “hand-off,” and not necessarily to the benefit of our young ones. While children should be taught the difference between good, bad, and scary touch, they should not be left untouched. A pat on the shoulder, a hug, or rub on the back can convey understanding and encouragement. It is, however, best practice to ask first if you are working with, or taking care of, children that are not your own.

A last tip from Dr. Mehrabian is to pay attention to your tone. While words alone have the least impact, the clearest message can be sent and received when our tone, body language and words, all match. This means that you shouldn’t add a question mark, or even a questioning tone to a directive statement. Refraining from using sarcasm is also a good idea. Kids don’t get it and it can be quite insulting. Try to aim for a warm, engaging tone. When you need an authoritative or attention-getting tone for safety purposes, it will have more impact if it has not already been well used.

And why not ask a child to “use their words?” First of all, it’s become a pat statement, much like, “good job.” It’s just not specific enough. Plus, it doesn’t honor the fact that she would be using her words if she was capable of doing so. Typically children are hitting, or grabbing, or yanking in the scenario where you request words. Please assume that if they had it in them to share their feelings verbally, ask before taking, or ask for a turn, they would have already done so. When they don’t, for whatever reason, it is a signal to you that they require guidance in this area. Offer this guidance kindly, and see what happens.

When you use your words, say, “I’m going to help keep everyone here safe,” “Looks like you want a turn, let’s ask your sister about that,” or “Please come back and check in with your friend.” Or use one of the nonverbal suggestions above. You won’t have to say a thing.

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Special Giveaway!

Please comment on this post about using or not using your words with your child, so that you can enter to win an ebook copy of What Not to Say: Tools for Talking with Young Children, in the format of your choice: PDF, epub, or Kindle format. Sarah will be giving away one copy at each blog stop and will announce it on the comments of this post at the end of the week. (Other stops during this Blog Tour are listed on Sarah's blog here: http://sarahsbalancingact.blogspot.com/p/blog-tour.html) Be sure to leave your email so we can contact you in case you're the winner!

Also, be sure to enter at Sarah's site (http://sarahsbalancingact.blogspot.com/p/blog-tour.html) for the Grand Prize Giveaway: a Kindle Touch. Winner will be announced at the end of the tour after July 15th.

About The Author

Sarah MacLaughlin has worked with children and families for over twenty years. With a background in early childhood education, she has previously been both a preschool teacher and nanny. Currently, Sarah works as a licensed social worker with foster families at The Opportunity Alliance in South Portland, Maine.

She also teaches parenting classes and consults with families. In addition, Sarah serves on the board of Birth Roots, a perinatal resource center, and writes the "Parenting Toolbox" column for a local parenting newspaper, Parent & Family.

As reflected in her book, What Not to Say: Tools for Talking with Young Children, Sarah considers it her life's work to promote happy, well-adjusted people by increasing awareness of how children are spoken to today.

In a busy modern life, while Sarah juggles her son, her job, her husband, her family, and time for herself, she's also aiming for: mindful parenting, meaningful work, joyful marriage, connected family, and radical self-care. She is mom to a young son who gives her plenty of opportunities to take her own advice about What Not to Say. More information about Sarah and her work can be found at http://www.saramaclaughlin.com.

Beyond Plastic Bags

Paper or plastic may seem like a trite question for many of you. You have made the switch from plastic shopping bags and water bottles, and proudly tote your own in your everyday travels. But look deeper. How prevalent is plastic in your life? Did you write with a plastic pen today? Did you purchase food in a plastic tray, wrapped in plastic, or with a plastic lid? Did you put on makeup or brush your teeth and notice what the product containers were made of? Did you blow dry your hair, grab an energy bar for lunch, or eat a container of yogurt? Did you chew gum? (Yes, gum.)

And did you ever really notice how ubiquitous plastic is in our lives? It's daunting - and scary. Sure, reusable bags and bottles are a great first step, but how about living plastic free? This week, the Holistic Moms Network hosted a Twitter Party with author and blogger Beth Terry, who is striving to do just that. Beth's journey started with an alarming awareness that we are all surrounded by plastic. She took on the challenge of refusing all new plastic in her life. That means not buying, accepting, or allowing anything with plastic. And that's no easy task.

Plastic bags alone are ever present. Americans use more than 380 billion of them each year - that's about 1,200 per person. Only about 2 percent of those are recycled. The rest wind up in garbages, landfills, and in our environment, including in our oceans. "Every year, Americans throw away some 100 billion plastic bags after they’ve been used to transport a prescription home from the drugstore or a quart of milk from the grocery store. It’s equivalent to dumping nearly 12 million barrels of oil," reports Salon.com. Plastics are choking out wildlife and impacting our health and well-being. And plastics have found their way into virtually every corner of our lives. And into our bodies and our children. Chemical additives in plastics, such as Bisphenol-A (BPA), have dangerous implications for our health and many of the ingredients in plastics "migrate, or leach, into the food and water they contain" according to the Environmental Working Group.

Outside of being overwhelmed and completely daunted by plastic's presence, what can we do? We can start with awareness and acknowledgement of all the places plastics are found. Once we identify them, we can take steps, along with Beth Terry, to refuse to invite them into our lives. Start with Beth's Plastic Free Guide online and find an action you can embrace. Let go of convenience and pack your own containers. Buy in bulk. Embrace natural cloths and fabrics. Compost, recycle, and reuse. Make choices that are healthier for you, for your family, and for the planet. Get inspired. And check out Beth's new book for ideas, resources, and motivation. Every action helps, even when the problem seems insurmountable.

Nurturing Dads

With all the talk about moms lately, dads are being left behind. Given the so-called "mommy wars" perhaps they are grateful. But as Father's Day approaches, it's time to say thanks to all the amazing dads out there.

While moms are being chastised for helicopter parenting or questioned if they are "mom enough", dads are sliding under the radar. What does being a dad mean in our modern independence-driven culture? Battling it out with other parents during your child's little league game? Being so wired up that you don't have time to put down your phone and engage your kids? No, fathering is about being attached, connected, and nurturing. Yes, nurturing.

For decades, scientists have been arguing that the cultural role of a nurturing father is a social invention. "Human males do not have a biological parental role," writes James Kimmel, Ph.D. Rather, men develop a nurturing style as a result of nurturing behavior they are taught by their own mothers. "How males are mothered largely determines if, and how, they will father," asserts Kimmel. This assertion, however, leaves women to shoulder the responsibility of entire generations of men - or to assume the blame for their lack of connection. It feeds the mama-drama and continues to allow women to be the focus of the media storm that ensues. There is no doubt that attachment is essential for building strong, empathic, and nurturing children. Nature arguments insisting men are not wired for attachment don't help and modern culture isn't making it any easier. Our high-tech world and particularly social media "contributes to a growing empathy deficit" according to David Sack, M.D. Early attachment deficits and lack of parental connection are also reflecting in the statistics on empathy: "today’s college students are 40 percent less empathetic than those in the 80s and 90s".

So what's the dad connection to quality parenting? Many studies have demonstrated that absenteeism on the part of dads is connected to lower academic achievement, aggression, and social disorders among children. But good fathering goes well beyond simply just being there. For dads, as for moms, being connected, engaged, and nurturing bring about some of the most positive benefits - for children and for the dads themselves.

For starters, let's consider that men may in fact be biologically wired for nurturing, according to a recent study. Men in partnered relationships with children have lower testosterone levels, which "could help men who are fathers better handle the demands of parenting and allow them to become more nurturing, the researchers suggested." Whether nurture or nature, developing the qualities of a connected, empathic dad are the key to great parenting - and something that can take commitment and work to develop, whether you're a dad, mom, or caregiver. Dads who are engaged and involved impact academic achievement from the toddler years straight through to adulthood and demonstrate that "an active and nurturing style of fathering is associated with better verbal skills, intellectual functioning, and academic achievement among adolescents." Children who have involved fathers are also "more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surroundings, and, as they grow older, have better social connections with peers."

While we don't need any "daddy wars", it's high time to acknowledge and appreciate connected, attached dads and their ability to nurture. The huge benefits for children are also indicators of a more positive life experience for the dads themselves. A recent report indicated that dads are, in fact, happier than their childless peers. New research published in Psychological Science indicates that "being a parent, especially a dad, appears to confer greater levels of happiness, positive emotion and meaning than being childless."

So this Father's Day we celebrate all the dads for their commitment, dedication, and passion for fatherhood. We embrace their nurturing styles and encourage them to relish their roles and delight in the joys of fatherhood.

Happy Father's Day to all!

The Lost Art of Live Communication

Your teen is in another room and you have a pressing question - what do you do? Get up and

start a conversation, yell down the hall, or pick up your phone and send a text? If you chose texting, you're not alone. And if you're a teen, it's likely that the first two options were not even under consideration.

According to the Pew Research Center's recent report "Teens, Smartphones & Texting", "23% of all those ages 12-17 say they have a smartphone . . .31% of those ages 14-17 have a smartphone." For smartphone-toting youth, "the volume of texting among teens has risen from 50 texts a day in 2009 to 60 texts for the median teen text user." And texting is quickly displacing other forms of communication. The Pew report found that "63% of all teens say they exchange text messages every day with people in their lives. This far surpasses the frequency with which they pick other forms of daily communication, including phone calling by cell phone (39% do that with others every day), face-to-face socializing outside of school (35%), social network site messaging (29%), instant messaging (22%), talking on landlines (19%) and emailing (6%)."

With the evolution of technology we are communicating faster and more frequently, but less personally and less deeply. We have apparently reduced communication to characters on a screen, and are starting younger and younger. At what cost? Are electronic devices contributing to the lost art of communication? Are online social sites making us lonelier? Some opponents would certainly make the case. Facial expressions, body posture, emotion, and physical proximity - or dare I say "closeness" - are on the decline. As reported in the Huffington Post, Janet Sternberg, a professor of communication and media studies at Fordham University in New York has "noticed that more students don't look her in the eye and have trouble with the basics of direct conversation – habits that, she says, will not serve them well as they enter a world where many of their elders still expect an in-person conversation, or at the very least a phone call."

As we become more attached to our devices, we have not only detached ourselves from one another, but we have filtered our experiences through the information we elect to receive on our phones, computers, and through our DVRs. "We have gotten used to the idea of being in a tribe of one, loyal to our own party," explains Sherry Turkle in the New York Times. We opt in and out of information and communicating, representing ourselves through filters, editing our words, pictures, and personas to a world of electronic associates.

The big problem, however, is that "human relationships are rich; they’re messy and demanding. We have learned the habit of cleaning them up with technology. And the move from conversation to connection is part of this. But it’s a process in which we shortchange ourselves. Worse, it seems that over time we stop caring, we forget that there is a difference," Turkle writes. And as we keep our heads down, tick-tick-ticking away, we are forging digital connections that fall far short of real, personal relationships and bonds. We like that our devices are always there and always ready. We feel that we have a constant voice and an unwavering audience. But it's shallow and incomplete. How many times do you find yourself standing in line or waiting for an appointment with a moment of solitude and self-reflection upon you, only to pull out your smartphone and distract yourself with digital happenings?

And what of parenting is this digital age? Do your kids ever say "Mommy, put down the phone?", "Get off Facebook", and "Pay attention to me?" Parenting is inherently messy and demanding - and challenging. Do we wish our years away, long for them to be simple and easy, like a Facebook friendship or online chat? Do we abhor even more the principles of connection with our children, rail against the ideas behind attachment, and pack our phones for family outings?

It worries me that we are losing live communication, community, and connection. We fool ourselves into thinking we are "engaged" and "activist" when we are recipients of digital information and electronic characters. In this digital age, we lose the ability to respond emotionally, physically, and energetically to each other. We avoid self-reflection and stunt personal development when we edit everything that we say and do, see and hear. And, as parents, we are doing a disservice to our children if we make electronic communication the norm and refuse to dive into the messy, complicated, and emotional world of real, face-to-face communications.

Non-Toxic Pregnancy

Are moms or expectant moms who work to reduce toxic chemicals in their environment extreme? Paranoid? Overly concerned?

Probably not, based upon a recent study published in Environmental Health Perspectives. The researchers investigated the impact of organophosphate (OP) insecticides in pregnant women and their pregnancy outcomes. Studying 306 mother/child pairs with high and low concentrations of pesticides in their bloodstreams from common household and environmental exposure. The study found that the women with the highest levels of exposure were more likely to have babies that were preterm or lower in birthweight.

"Preterm birth is probably the single most important factor for infant mortality," said Lanphear" a member of the research study team, as reported in the Huffington Post. He also added "that preterm birth and low birthweight have also been linked to a range of future health problems, from cognitive problems to heart disease."

Women are exposed to a wide range of pesticides, both within and outside of the home, increasing their risk for elevated exposure. Bug sprays, lawn care products, and conventional (non-organic) foods are primary sources of exposure.

Both preterm birth and low birthweight may have long-term consequences for the health and development of children. If that's not concerning enough, a 2011 Harvard Medical School study found that organophosphate insecticides in children may be linked to a lower IQ.

I think it's time we lay aside the "extremist" labels and start encouraging all young and expectant women to go organic!

Living Gluten Free: Raising Awareness

Do you have 133 friends on Facebook - or more? If so, at least one of them is likely to have celiac disease. Once considered a rare autoimmune disorder, celiac disease now affects 1 out of every 133 Americans, a ratio that may be even higher if you include wheat and gluten allergies and sensitivities that are not diagnosed as celiac.

According to the Celiac Disease Center at the University of Chicago, 97% of people with celiac are undiagnosed: "The number of Americans with celiac disease would fill 936 cruise ships. Passengers on 908 of the ships won’t know they have it." That's an astounding percentage of undiagnosed patients. One of the problems is that more than 300 symptoms have been associated with celiac which may impact people in a variety of ways. In some cases, celiac may cause abdominal bloating, vomiting, diarrhea, or failure to thrive, in others it may manifest itself in the symptoms of fatigue, joint pain, or unexplained infertility.

What is celiac disease? According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), celiac disease is "a digestive disease that damages the small intestine and interferes with absorption of nutrients from food." Although there is some discussion that celiac is a genetic disorder, its rapid growth raises some eyebrows. A 2009 ABC News piece interviewed Dr. Joseph Murray, who "attributes the increase in the disease to environmental factors. "It has to be a change in the environment because it's happened over 50 years and human genetics don't change that fast," he explained. Others have more specifically linked celiac to genetically modified foods (GMOs).

Whatever the cause or frequency of the disease, you likely know someone who needs to follow a gluten free diet. The diagnoses can feel devastating at first. No bread? No pasta? No cupcakes, birthday cake, or hamburger buns? And what about pizza?

Fortunately, the gluten-free market is growing exponentially. But it's not all good news. Many of the common "replacement" foods offered in gluten-free versions are far from health-promoting. They are highly processed and refined, with added sugars, fats, and flavorings. For celiacs and those intolerant to gluten they may seem to be a godsend. But the real godsend is in the lifestyle change - a change that makes you look at food and health more carefully and understand its connection. Celiac is just such a wake-up call for many of us. And the journey to a healthy gluten-free lifestyle will make you appreciate whole, real food even more.

So you can't eat the way you used to. What can you eat? Sweet, ripe watermelon. Seared, juicy steak. Roasted herbed turkey. Creamy mashed potatoes. Rich, dense risotto. Luscious chocolate mousse. The more closely you stick to whole foods and the more you learn to prepare and cook them, the better your gluten-free journey will be. Don't know what to feel someone with celiac? You don't need to run off to the nearest health food store to find a specialty item. Look in your fridge or pantry, shop your local farmer's market. Make some organic chicken with lemon and herbs. Toss some asparagus in olive oil and salt and roast them in the oven. Put on a pot of brown rice. Simple, real, basic. And you just might feel better without the gluten too!

Breastfeeding Fallout: Silver Linings

Tongues have indeed been wagging about breastfeeding and attachment parenting philosophies all week. Time Magazine succeeded in creating a buzz and designing a cover for shock value. The fallout has been tremendous. Public cries of disgust and anger abound. Moms who breastfeed feel that nursing has been sexualized, polarized, and deemed as extremist, especially beyond the first six months infancy. Moms who don't breastfeed feel as though they are under attack for not being "mom enough". And the AP philosophy seems quirky at best, evangelical and separatist at worst.

The media is continuing to work hard to portray us, the moms, with every ounce of sensationalism they can muster. Time may have gotten some attention, but in my experience moms are not a group that you want to alienate and anger. Moms are a powerful force. A force for change. A sea of power. They have the strength of community. And the insight to see beyond the facade. And momma ain't happy now.

But there is a silver lining. We are talking about breastfeeding. We are thinking about parenting. We are discussing doing what we believe is best for our kids. And we are connecting amidst our rage. More and more moms are standing back and calling for tolerance. And many of us who practice "extreme" parenting are stepping forward. The small "sliver" of moms who breastfeed well into toddlerhood are speaking out. And our champions are getting some attention.

Just the other day, USA Today published an article headlining "Breastfeeding a 3-year old is normal, anthropologist says." Interviewing Katherine Dettwyler, USA Today noted "that most children around the world are breast-fed for three to five years or longer." And the article indicated that "it's more common than might be believed, and that moms are just hiding it."

How do we create a sea change? It starts with awareness. If we want to making nursing "normal" and extended breastfeeding "acceptable" it needs to get attention. It needs to be seen and heard; known and experienced. When it's common, it loses its shock value. When everyone is nursing a 3-year old, who is going to plaster it on their magazine cover?

Nursing in public is common and normal, only we don't see enough of it. The Holistic Moms Network's own video, Nursing Our Future, was created for this very reason - to showcase moms doing what is normal and natural, openly, publicly, and proudly. Watch out Time, because moms are "mom enough": mom enough to stand our ground and proud enough to have the confidence to do what we believe, in spite of what the media thinks.

Motherhood Under Attack

In this, the week where we honor and celebrate mothers and their contributions, the media is instead putting motherhood under attack. From a series of blogs in the New York Times to the front cover of Time Magazine, child-centered parenting and by association, motherhood, is under fire.

The unfolding stories about motherhood question whether feminism and motherhood are compatible or if mothers are doing "enough" or perhaps taking their parenting styles too far. The media is dividing mothers into camps - feminists vs. mothers, attached parents vs. empowered parents, parents who are "enough" and those who fall short of the mark. Mothers are either/or, up for public evaluation and criticism, or left hung out to dry. Fathers, ironically, do not engender such criticism. Being present is enough to simply qualify a dad as "good enough" - a little help around the home and he is to be celebrated. But for moms motherhood is a minefield.

If you listen to the media, following your instincts in parenting makes you a slave to your children. Ancients practices of breastfeeding, babywearing, and co-sleeping are exhausting and a likely manifestation of mothers trying to make up for their own inadequate childhoods. And all of it strips women of their independence, their power, and their choice. Lines are drawn in the sand. I am a good enough mother because I do this, you are not. I am a feminist and you are just a mother. You are a bad mother because you also have a career.

Motherhood is a universal experience. All mothers are exhausted. All mothers make sacrifices for their children, put some of their own desires on hold, and want to raise happy and healthy children. We all want to keep our children safe and protect them. We will stand by them and nurse them back to health when they sick. We will fight for them, move mountains for them, give every ounce of energy for them no matter what parenting model we follow.

Mothers who can make choices are empowered. Mothers who can choose to work or stay home, to co-sleep or babywear, to embrace their roles as mothers and as professionals, and to make informed, educated choices that work for them and their families are perhaps the most powerful force on the planet. And we are all mothers.

Let's not spend this Mother's Day pointing fingers and judging one another. Let's celebrate the joys and the challenges of motherhood that we all share. Let's honor the hard work, the passion, the dedication, the tolerance and patience, and the great love that all mothers share. Let us celebrate and honor the community of mothers, the universalities of our experience, and the enormous respect we have for one another's tasks. And let us acknowledge the power of our collective voices, our ability to honor one another, and our power to tolerate and respect our differences.

Happy Mother's Day!

Loneliness and Going Screen Free

This week the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood celebrates screen free week "an annual celebration where children, families, schools, and communities turn off screens and turn on life." Screen free week was once TV-free week, a much easier task for me personally. According to recent Nielsen data, the average American household has 2.5 televisions and the average American watches 35.6 hours of TV each week, close to the equivalent of a full-time job. My one-TV household is clearly an oddity in modern America. As a mom of two very active boys and working full-time both outside and inside the home means TV simply isn't a significant part of my life. In fact, a week without a single hour of television is standard for me. I have no idea what shows are "hot". I have never seen a minute of any "housewives" show nor can I even guess who the latest contestants are on the current season of "Dancing with the Stars." In fact, I'm clueless on most celebrities or anything happening in their lives.

But when we're talking all screens, it's a different story. Just to keep up with all that I do, I sport a PC, a laptop, an iPad and an iPhone every single day. Being in front of screens - often more than one at a time - is not usual, it's my life. Although 90% of it revolves around work, I do use my "screens" for social networking, making dinner reservations, checking the weather, and catching up with friends. And when I sit back and consider the amount of time I spend in front of them, I am more than a little alarmed.

Yes, I'm concerned about my vision (it has definitely gotten worse as I spend more time in front of screens), about EMFs, and that most of my screen time is spent sitting instead of being out and about. But more than anything else the quantity of time that I - and others - spend in front of digital screens concerns me for the sake of community and interpersonal relationships. Sure, we all feel so connected. Facebook brings us back in touch with friends that span our entire lifetime and every facet of our world. Twitter keeps up the chatter and LinkedIn connects our professional world online. YouTube and Pinterest make it all visual. But none of it - not a single platform - truly, authentically helps us to connect in the ways that really matter. Not with our spouses or partners, our kids, our family members, our friends, nor our colleagues. And I personally think that all this screen time is a danger to our happiness and to our future.

Why? Because we are losing our human interpersonal skills. We have a harder time communicating, empathizing, and sharing in person. We are more challenged to understand voice tones, facial expressions, and body language because none of them are present in our digital world. We feel detached and disconnected, despite our hundreds of online "friends" and our hours of being linked.

A sobering article in this month's Atlantic Magazine tells us the statistics: a 2010 study shows a 15 percent increase in chronic loneliness among older Americans in just the past 10 years. Another survey indicates that "in 1985, only 10 percent of Americans said they had no one with whom to discuss important matters, and 15 percent said they had only one such good friend. By 2004, 25 percent had nobody to talk to, and 20 percent had only one confidant." Yet more than 845 million of us are connected to "friends" on Facebook alone. But still the indicators of loneliness and unhappiness are on the rise. Even the casual social networker's screen time correlates with a growing lack of connection, according to Atlantic Magazine: "non-personalized use of Facebook—scanning your friends’ status updates and updating the world on your own activities via your wall, or what Burke calls “passive consumption” and “broadcasting”—correlates to feelings of disconnectedness."

How do we read these results? As the Atlantic Magazine surmises, "It may be that Facebook encourages more contact with people outside of our household, at the expense of our family relationships—or it may be that people who have unhappy family relationships in the first place seek companionship through other means, including Facebook." Perhaps the loneliest of us spend the most time in front of screens, desperately trying to connect and feel connected. Or perhaps the lost time we spend there is the very ironic factor that is growing our sense of disconnection. In either case, walking away from your screens - at least for personal connections - may be one of the healthiest things that we can do. Lonely people are more likely to be obese, to exercise less, to have higher rates of inflammation, and to have poor memory, among other conditions. What's more is that the loneliness and disconnection we have created impacts our social and political culture as well, with lower rates of participation in voting, volunteerism, and community groups. And this growing pattern of loneliness is starting younger and younger.

As the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood points out, children spend "an astonishing average of 32 hours a week in front of screens." High screen time correlates with poor school performance, obesity, and behavioral problems among children. It also sets a pattern for disconnection at a critical time where children are learning and integrating social skills.

Hard as it may be, it's time for all of us - as adults and as parents - to step back and take a critical look at how our screen time is impacting our lives. It's time to redefine our family connections, rediscover our relationships and put the screens away. Remove the screens from the dinner table, from family time, from your personal lives. Put away your phone when you're standing on line and chat with someone nearby intead. Smile, don't send smiley faces. Happiness doesn't come from a screen. Even for one week, you can take back your life and see what a difference it can make.